Midnight Reverie
by Ghirardelli
Impact
Ghirardelli, founded during the boom of the California 49er gold rush, must be wet dreaming of mining the miners, when bisons still roamed the prairies of the Great Plains before the Union Pacific railroad connected the continent... as if the company is aging backwards to when it made an edible bar of chocolate. Trademark branding & precedence clearly win out over capability in this classic of Survival of the First.
Take out a life insurance policy before venturing into this Airborne Toxic Event while listening to that band's track Sometime Around Midnight.
Take out a life insurance policy before venturing into this Airborne Toxic Event while listening to that band's track Sometime Around Midnight.
Appearance 4.6 / 5
| Color: | buffalo brown rolled in dry mud |
| Surface: | hood ornament / pendant quality |
| Temper: | leather matte |
| Snap: | sheet rock for teeth |
Aroma 5.2 / 10
burn down the mission: the Dutch-Boy fumes the foil right off w/ smoking oak chips, straw, & corrosive cocoa; leather tobacco roll on the rubdown + a couple toasted bread crumbs
Mouthfeel 6.9 / 15
| Texture: | skin soft to the touch but once in the mouth shatters into shards & fragments (foretold by the snap) |
| Melt: | flabby -> astringent |
Flavor 20.4 / 50
cocoa loco -> lite metallic bitter against pastry butter counter -> stale prune tone -> oak 'n leather -> acrid cocoa -> rubber back cherry
Quality 4.8 / 20
You could see & smell this coming from miles away. A grim exposé on the sins of Dutching. Overblown monster injected with steroids ("natural flavor" added) that do nothing but further emasculate shriveled gonads into a plastic bean bag. Astringent from too much alkali, the creatine supplement of the chocolate industry, which dehydrates the body causing broken bones & torn muscles. Demand a refund. (CBS [Cocoa mass/Butter/Sugar ratio] 5:8:2)