Recent Reviews

Esmeraldas by Goodnow Farms

The only spots where these bars last are on the tongue & in the memory. Other than that, they disappear fast.GoodNow / GoneNow. (The following is an update on a couple origins from this barsmith. For the previous reviews, see Asochivite here and Esmeraldas here.)

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Trinidad by Seahorse

Poor cocoa… while commodities generally from grains to metals & energy trend in a cyclical upswing — defying financial markets otherwise in bear(ish) territory — cocoa lags behind as an orphaned basement dweller. Cause or just correlation that ever more interventions & programs in the industry seem to only make matters worse? No worries. Alternating currents of El Niño / La Niña within sun cycles (the shorter duration 11-year solar flares onto the longer 88-year Grand Solar Cycle) forecasts the price will go up as the supply will go down due to probable drought in the coming years in West Africa where most global cocoa production takes place. Add in carbon emissions & it all equates to climate change. Perfect for Gen-19 (as in Covid / Wuhan / SARS / whachamacallit + its spawned variants, ya know, the remote-educated wearing masks in their bedrooms) to customize their own personal weather patterns in The Web3Metaverse. Then, for a dose of surreality, travel back in time to Trinidad & Tobago (T&T) — home to Trinitario cacáo & safe harbor to a raft of other cacáos at the CRC (Cocoa Research Center; the Noah’s Ark of the species). The island once produced 40,000 metric...

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Masaya by Agencove

The whiff reminisces a filthy, nasty, even raunchy barn on a farm. The taste — The Sun-Kissed™ Raisin Maid. Yep, an ugly duckling that swans out like that.

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Cuzco 80
Piura Select
Piura + Nibs
Piura Milk
Lakuna by Cacaosuyo

Chocolate represents a lens unto the world, thus a microcosm of it. Sweetness & euphoria mixed in with nepotism & shill-fluencers.Cacaosuyo rises above the muck in earning accolades the old-fashioned way: nose-to-grindstone & sniffing 'til ready 'n done.

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Chanchamayo 63%
Chanchamayo Blanc
Mexique La Joya
Congo 63%
Thanh Long Lait by A. Morin

The supercentenarian Frenchwoman Jeanne Calment lived the longest confirmed lifespan -- 122 years of age. She died in 1997, long after selling pencils to a guy named Van Gogh. The secret to her longevity: cigarettes, wine, & chocolate (a big 100-gram bar per day!!!). Sorry to all carnivorous paleo ancestral-keto biohackers micro-dosing on hallucinogens: CARB ALERT AHEAD

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Mørk India
Melk Brunost
Reinsdyrlav & Tyttebær
Hvit Kakaonibs by Fjåk Sjokolade

Introducing Norway's first bean-to-barsmith. Agur & Siv, the brains & the brawn of Fjåk Sjokolade, might just be the Freyja & Iðunn from Norse mythology reimagined in the craft chocolate space. Some hammer-heavy flavors -- even their Milk Chocolates. Yes, the recent "Dark Ages" of high-cocoa content bars yields to milky Enlightenment. Quite the companions in the current post-truth media-verse.

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Cacao Recubierto de Chocolate
Oscuro 92
Oscuro 80
Oscuro 72
Oscuro 60 by Taïta

Fun Fact/or: the nose and the clitoris are made of erectile tissue. Ah ha, the nose gets “erections” all day long. No wonder so many get a hard-on for chocolate. Its aroma alone is basically nasal Viagra. This collection here by Taïta – smells sex. Yeah, a drivel of blech + a drip of bliss.

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