Coffee
by Neuhaus
Impact
Affirmative action in Candyland. Timid cacáo butter & kick-face coffee unhappily bussed together, day & night like black & white driven by an artificial coloring agent. Thankfully miscegenation is a fossil of the past & diversity has become the norm. But this bar's a throw-back in a wrong-way direction.
Will do for taste buds what 3 Mile Island & Love Canal did for those areas - wipe them out.
Will do for taste buds what 3 Mile Island & Love Canal did for those areas - wipe them out.
Appearance 2.6 / 5
protected in a passport holder - good package
protected in a passport holder - good package
| Color: | whey-faced salt 'n pepper; coffee flecks (probably vanilla too) speckle like flies in the ointment |
| Surface: | tweedy corduroy |
| Temper: | flat wax |
| Snap: | rotting break; crumbling edge |
Aroma 4.1 / 10
aromatically-challenged old lady on the bus: wet wool -> sheet rock -> dank basement mold -> butterscotch café -> artificial dried maple -> egg whites
Mouthfeel 7.2 / 15
| Texture: | powder, mix w/ saliva for sludge paste |
| Melt: | sticky ball-dragging insomniac |
Flavor 18.6 / 50
coffee struggling in a vat of caulk putty -> maple sap -> hi-intensity chemical sweeteners for quick teeth dissolve -> vanillin metals screech in -> milk acids start to break down the iron but you don't want to live anymore... in this bar -> gack... choke point -> spittoon
Quality 4.8 / 20
Subprime. Pump & dump done on the cheap. A popular Belgian praline combo - White Choc + coffee - here in a rare bar form. Bukowski's 'dead-before-death gang'... gives up the ghost well before mid-palate & nukes the fridge from there. The undisclosed "flavouring agent" listed among ingredients constitutionally violates & rapes this piece (probably saccharin with maltodextrins & fake maple + vanilla added to the assault). Ceaseless debasement
ING: sugar, powdered whole milk, cocoa butter, coffee, soya lecithin, flavouring agent
ING: sugar, powdered whole milk, cocoa butter, coffee, soya lecithin, flavouring agent