Box Chocolate Review

Joseph Schmidt

Info Details
Country USA   (SF, CA)
Style Industrial      
Joseph Shiz – top o' the dung heap - there’s no other way to put it. Takes massive asshole balls to position this mass-product as ‘artisan confections’; charging a premium price for what amounts to sludge. Long live the free market but this should be regulated & brown-listed by the Consumer Protection Agency, scrutinized in the same manner as lead toys from China. Hershey’s in disguise (the owner of this line) so buy that directly: it’s cheaper & just as good.

Good riddance.
Presentation   3.8 / 5
jumbo half-egg shaped pieces; decent fit & finish
Aromas   2.3 / 5
fairly transparent; infusion dominant; sugar-waxed chocolate
Textures/Melt   2.8 / 10
Shells: tire tread
Centers: thick gum stick
Flavor   16.1 / 50
corporate bubble wrap; base chocolate bland enough not to get in the way of other cheaper ingredients (corn syrup, cultured dextrose, & butter oil)
Quality   4.6 / 30
Below mediocre: fraudulent.
Couverture: the boss’
All Dark – Dutched gutless; faint traces of peanuts & cocoa syrup
All Milk – grainy slab of corn syrup masked as retired caramel
Vanilla Cognac – Milk-on-Dark blazed w/ cheap alcohol staggering w/out purpose

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