Box Chocolate Review


Info Details
Country USA   (Bridgewater, CT)
Style Classic      (pretense)
All the structural integrity of that bridge over troubled waters... of global warming, terror, & home-mortgage crises... ya know, the one in Minnesota that collapsed without warning during the Summer of '07.
Presentation   4.8 / 5
glitz & grit: adapted cigar box, very clean lines / prep-school corporate exterior while inside pieces nestled rustically in a bird’s nest
Aromas   4.9 / 5
head-heavy cocoa & cream; fresh
Textures/Melt   9.2 / 10
Shells: semi-thin as can be & still preserve fresh cream fills
Centers: airy mousse stuffed into plush pillows
Flavor   32.7 / 50
cream-centric, full-fat, & truffles usually close on cocoa; toffees too diffuse, too sweet, & the Darks too dutched (hence, Milk versions stand in taller)
Quality   20.5 / 30
For yachting types who wear docksiders, polo, & seersuckers, & don’t know any better but are just keeping up with appearances. Once the King of Toffee, beheaded & dethroned now by the queen of that scene – Poco Dolce.

There’s a reason this company has suspended accepting any new wholesale accounts: they’re pumping out way too much of this stuff.
Couverture: generic (probably Callebaut; maybe Mercken)
Dark - enough cream ganache to be a great Milk Chocolate of dusky cocoa powder w/ artificially-implanted berry accenting
Milk - caramel headnotes before it’s even popped in the mouth, rolls into a cream wall glazed in seeming corn syrup; meets up cocoa at the back; reserved & regal pretense
Hazelnut - thicker shell verging on the chocolate used for dipping Dairy Queen™ soft-serve ice-cream... encasing a subdued yet transparent formulation
Orange - the DQ theme continues... fake-delicious creamsicle
Raspberry - evasive
Coffee - latte w/ enough cream fat to churn butter
Dark Almond Toffee - sugar ‘n salt sandwiching butter against indefensible chocolate
Milk Almond Toffee - more crunch & kick (less sugar) than its Dark brethren; bigger & badder w/ some of that ol’ time ‘stick-to-it-ness’
Dark Hazelnut Toffee - similar progression as the Dark Almond: sugar, salt, butter... low to no cocoa...
Milk Hazelnut Toffee - same story as the Milk Almond Toffee in relation to its Dark sibling
Dark Soft ‘n Silk Caramel - bagged product for Halloween candy
Milk Almond Turtle - goop the goo
Smooth Peanut Butter Patty - decent salted peanuts; why bother smearing it on chocolate when it can be left in the jar

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