Beef Jerky

by Wild Ophelia
Info Details
Country USA   
Type Flavored   (Meat; Milk Chocolate)
Strain Amelonado   
Source Ivory Coast   
Flavor Earthen   
Style New School      
What has all the whiff of a chocolate-beef jerk-off, turns out to be surprisingly fit enough to convert any unconscious vegan into a carnivore.
Appearance   3.8 / 5
Color: rawhide
Surface: hoof prints; grease back
Temper: plastic sheen
Snap: foot 'n mouth disease
Aroma   6.2 / 10
according to high-minded foodies this qualifies for "fine charcuterie"
in other words, smoked baloney to everyone else
Mouthfeel   10.7 / 15
Texture: tallow
Melt: gritty rather than stringy
Flavor   42.9 / 50
a shock choc right out of the gate -> bucks up against some salted potato (wait, is this that other bar?) -> shank steak wallows about all the fat, plodding around like a pig in... well, ya know, &, no, this be beef & chocolate so call it a savory milk shake whipped into móle
Quality   17.2 / 20
Those anticipating an 'Merican rodeo-in-the-mouth show are in for a bum steer as Ophelia gives this bar the petting-zoo treatment.

Mostly hat, little sizzle; & pals (for palates) in truth are much better off for that.

Quite balanced in fact. No bull. How'd that happen, Ms. Ophelia?

Beef well-contained / constrained; less a centerpiece, it serves more to darken the Milk Mockolate base into something that resembles real chocolate, no mean feat considering how Ophelia employs bland, generic couverture (re: flavor-free).

Exceeds expectations thanks to the accessories: Worcestershire sauce & liquid smoke conspire to impart a roasted Cajun style on otherwise bulk-grade beans of mass-production manufacturing. In the process, they also absorb some of the sugar onslaught.

If Ophelia recycles leftovers (which a good ol' forward-leaning frontier woman should since there are bound to be some of this), she can toss 'em together with her potato salad bar to sell yet another piece of spam: Goulash.

INGREDIENTS: sugar, cocoa butter, cocoa mass, dry whole milk powder, soy lecithin, vanilla, beef, water, soy sauce, Worcestershire sauce [distilled vinegar, molasses, corn syrup, liquid smoke, flavorings], salt, paprika

Reviewed October 3, 2012


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