88% Premier Cru
by Hachez
Impact
That deaf, dumb, & blind kid sure may be updated to play a wicked video game, but this is DOA, choking on its own fat. Essentially, white-chocolate with food coloring added, best applied as skin lotion.
Appearance 4.4 / 5
| Color: | raven brown w/ black, purple, & red shifts |
| Surface: | pop-art assembly-line look |
| Temper: | shined coat |
| Snap: | crows |
Aroma 1 / 10
sensational: berry trio matches its color - blackberry, blueberry, & strawberry against pure-fab butter cream ‘n chocolate; highly refined & fixed w/ virtually all earth/spice elements removed
Mouthfeel 15 / 15
| Texture: | bonoxious - super fleshy; unctuous maximus |
| Melt: | insanely long – the melting grail |
Flavor 35.2 / 50
struggling blueberry -> surpressed chocolate -> ambiguous walnut -> ambivalent coffee -> dim cinnamon -> winds down, cruelly teasing w/ vague strawberry; after-taste – bread & butter (white & unsalted, of course); the whole effect plum-tarded
Quality 4.7 / 20
Rare for such rich aromatics to pay so impoverished a flavor. Big size (texture) / small taste. Hachez basically a cacáo butter manufacturer. Whatever cocoa mass there is gets deeply padded in the rear like a Victoria’s Secret panties made from latex – just bottoms out. In reality, this 88% takes a size zero. Where El Rey’s white-chocolate masterwork, Icoa, endows itself with dark chocolate overtones, this does just the opposite, replete with white-chocolate undertones. CBS 15:23:4