by Vosges
Info Details
Country USA   
Type Flavored   (Cardamom, Walnut, Plum; Semi-Dark 65%)
Source Venezuela   
Flavor Spices & Herbs   
Style Industrial      
What did they do here? Dysfunctional & broken - an impractical amount of spice, just a joy-killer where you think you're paying for a chick flick but the horror fest breaks out instead, starring countless spinster hags. PR at its finest.
Appearance   3.3 / 5
damsel in distress
Color: maroon under a jaundiced bluish-grey (bloom setting in? but it came straight from Vosges' HQ)
Surface: hasty, frumpy imprint up front; pocked walnuts/prunes out back
Temper: grease splotch & splatter
Snap: brittle (suspect tempering)
Aroma   6.8 / 10
Vick's Vapor Rub: streaming eucalyptus, cardamom, & cedar - fumigating way over-the-top & heavily cottoned together w/ an underlying musk of clary sage, soy, & vanilla
Mouthfeel   9.4 / 15
Texture: stiff, dry scrabble
Melt: drags balls then the odd gummy juju fruit (supplied by prune fragments) lends the consistency some scar tissue
Flavor   29.7 / 50
Vick's Vapor rub on the tongue too & another Vosges piece that goes for the throat: fartisan cardamom... just gassing out all over the place... far too big for the bar... & further flattens an already dead cocoa into ceaseless debasement -> walnut oil the pus in the recesses -> prune adds a metallic choke point -> flavors finally start to orbit & balance each other - to a point... eucalyptically -> evacuates walnut fudge brownie w/ cardamom pounding the back palate for weeks... hating on this
Quality   11.2 / 20
Ooo la la, Calindia... Vosges really whipped up the porte-manteau on this one. Let's see: Cal for Calorie; & India, hmmm... some bastardized form of Indigent to make people all sentimental about poor starving children in Mumbai? Why stop there? Also contains cacao & plums making for 'Calindigocacaplum'... rhymes & pairs well with elephant safari dung - which matches its color & flavor & then some.

Aspiring chocolatiers take note: whenever positively clueless about how to make quality chocolate, just fry the hell out of the beans & mask them... no, smother then strangulate them... with exotic-sounding grooves, then sell it to Vosges who apparently buys anything & understands the intricacies of profiting off waste disposal.

True to form, it eternally strives to heighten anticipation for an experience it never delvers: nuts & not just any old nuts but organic California walnuts (omitting small facts like rancidity) & green cardamom (the most common type found) - yet more clever hype from the Vosges grrrlllls.

Better off just buying a few cardamom pods & chewing on 'em. Less expensive too.


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