Info Details
Country Austria   
Type Flavored   (Green Tea; Soy Milk; White Chocolate 35%)
Flavor Spices & Herbs   
Style Industrial      
The wrapper might as well be a shroud for what deserves a chalk outline. DOA... right after a freak, dry-hit bong without any water or liquids whatsoever led to its death-rattle cough.
Appearance   4.1 / 5
Color: lemerald (emerald / lemon)
Surface: idealized
Temper: flat matte
Snap: Zen-worthy; low yet certain hush... the sash snap of a kimono doing a butt crunch
Aroma   8.3 / 10
Japanese plum & yuzu blossoms floating on green tea & blue-green algae -> undercut by talc & dried lemongrass -> greater galangale
Mouthfeel   7.4 / 15
Texture: fractured & dry
Melt: tragically slow
Flavor   24.8 / 50
green bean curd (or turd?) + enough dried grass for a hula skirt -> pond scum -> no sesame but hemp seed -> soy putty the final chokehold
Quality   5.2 / 20
The German language specializes in extensive multi-syllabic terms-cum-concepts longer than the autobahn in an old slow VW Beetle. Here’s one more to travel down. Matcha green tea, edamane soy bean & the Japanese yen for great things Western. In particular, that universally-recognized construct in any tongue: chocolate.

Zottercocoasamurai... chocolate bar-smith Josef Zotter seems to be doing some medical reading these days on the “miracle drug” (green tea), supposedly the cult drink of the samurai. According to Dr. Zotter, it strengthens the immune system, thins the blood & thus safeguards against cardiovascular disease, regulates blood pressure & prevents dementia. (Hmmm, smacks of all the cacáo research studies making news lately). Furthermore, thru a combination of theanine + caffeine, matcha simultaneously alerts & calms. Ideal for students, business, athletes or operations of, again, the Samurai.

Then he shifts into geisha-mode like our friend Mack Domori -- handling green tea involves a delicate ritual: spray with steam, then dry immediately.... thus captured the sparkling green tint. A Dark Chocolate would swallow bright colors so only cocoa butter serves as the chosen vessel + a slight trace of sesame.

By now in this saga Zotter ventures into Pure Trance territory of Junko Mizuno, ‘pure trance’ being the cause of sending people on an over-eating binge (Samurais occasionally could weigh in as big Sumo-type guys).

Fat chance here though as this gets obliterated by a total mismatch of soy protein just savaging -- everything. None of the spiced fun found in Zotter’s other soy bar, nor the beauty within his White Chocolate Kokos.

Those steps taken to capture the essence of Matcha got annihilated in this sludge-match which, if wet, would turn to green slime.

Hurts to say, because nothing in Zotter’s otherwise considerable portfolio prepares for this.

Gruntëe has a whole new meaning: a bar that commits hari-kari on itself.

Reviewed Autumn 2010


Pin It on Pinterest