Air Kiss

by Hershey’s
Info Details
Country USA   
Type Milk Chocolate   
Strain Blend   
Source (mostly Africa)
Flavor Earthen   
Style Industrial      
The New Puritans will be apoplectic. Ya know, that chocolate sub cult "banning" all additives -- from vanilla to lecithin & even cocoa butter (not to mention, gulp, milk) -- while proselytizing that bars must contain cocoa beans & sugar only.

How dare such a sacrilege as this join the company of "fine chocolate".

Because it's no peck on the lips, smooch on the cheeks, or love drop. Just the A-bomb of all chocolate marketing.... but with a twist: Hershey's® blows this Air Kiss from farther out than an atoll over the Pacific.
Appearance   3.6 / 5
Color: corporate brown
Surface: iconic shape / size
Temper: crabby
Snap: muah
Aroma   5.9 / 10
warm air pollution: vanillin resins (from wood bark,) egg whites (albumin), & cream farts (methane)... hey, if anything like the photosyntheitc sunsets of L.A., then taste-wise this could rock
Mouthfeel   5.5 / 15
Texture: mousse-soufflé crashes...
Melt: ... into a turgid morass
Flavor   29.1 / 50
readily identifiable Hershey's® sour milk (butyric acid... comes from milk fats undergoing a process called lipolysis in which fatty acids in milk decompose, resulting in a rancid "goaty" taste; Hershey's® purposefully subjects its chocolate to controlled lipolysis, yielding that bottom-of-a-cow’s-foot flavor) -> thick / heavy caramel as the air column collapses under the weight of vanillin & milk fats -> metallic streaks to the end (byproduct of vanillin resins) -> malted chalkolate after-burns
Quality   6.4 / 20
Hershey's® on its game by staying off-flavor.

No wonder America suffers from a trade deficit & her products struggle on the export market, except for armaments. The world obviously is much too smart for this kind of fluffed sewage. Meanwhile the country imports tchotchke from China.

What carbonation is to Perrier®, nitrous-dioxide (the primary elements in the atmosphere) is to this Air Kiss Delight, without the effervescence of course. Hey, if Coke® admits candidly that it basically sells water, then why can't Hershey's® do the same with air. Besides, it'll acclimate future Robo sapiens to pay for the very stuff humans used to breahte for free in order to stay alive. Everything a commodity.

Generations ago, Hershey's® reacted to one round after another of spiraling commodity costs that put pressure on the nickel candy bar by shrinking the size of the product until it got so small that the board of directors wondered whether it'd be possible to sell a wrapper with nothing inside. (Mars® proved this could be partially accomplished when it managed to maintain the size if not the weight of the Milky Way® by pumping air into it.) Hershey's® however shrank from going all-in, resisting the temptation to test the economics of charging for emptiness.

The Masts Brothers demonstrate the feasibility of this business model with bars of little else but pretty retro-wallpaper wrappers that sell for about $10/sq. ft.

No one expects great or even good chocolate from Hershey's®. In that regard this does not disappoint. But with all the hype & marketing dollars behind the roll-out of this air bar in 2011, the candy giant should at least be able to engineer air bubbles to get the appropriate Texture for something called Air Kiss.

This defies gravity only slightly longer than a forty-deuce double-D breast implant (ladies, with or without an enhancement procedure, hit the gym... it's about muscle tissue).

The end result: a spectacular failure, nothing but Hershey's® putrid Milk Chocolate base in a nucleated melt down.

There needs to be an anti-proliferation treaty against this type of hazard.

INGREDIENTS: sugar, milk, cocoa mass, cocoa butter, lactose, milk fat, lecithin, pgpr, vanillin, artificial flavor

Reviewed October 16, 2012


Pin It on Pinterest