I. We are the ecosexuals. The Earth is our lover. We are madly, passionately, & fiercely in love. In order to create a more mutual & sustainable relationship with the Earth, we collaborate with nature. We treat the Earth with kindness, respect & affection.

II. We make love with the Earth. We are aquaphiles, terraphiles, pyrophiles & aerophiles (dare say, chocophiles?!?!?!?!). We shamelessly hug trees, massage the Earth with our feet, & talk erotically to plants. We are skinny dippers, sun worshipers, & stargazers. We caress rocks, are pleasured by waterfalls, & admire the Earth’s curves often. We celebrate our E-spots (Hey, that rhymes with the C-spot^®). We are very dirty. (Yep, chocolate, like sex, is a messy affair.... literally & figuratively a fucking grind.)

III. As consumers we aim to buy less. (For good reason -- while many think of premium chocolate as a 'less-for-more' scam, it actually equates to a qualitative 'more-for-less' bargain.) When we must, we buy green, organic, & local (ahhh, sorry chocolatarians, that bar violates just about every tenet of the locavore movement; just the facts, ma'am).

IV. We are ecosex activists. We will save the mountains, waters & skies by any means necessary (yo, you go Malcolm X, girls), especially through love, joy & our powers of seduction (right on / on ya feet / stand up / light up them iPhones / hands in the air / say it 'loud 'n proud'). We will stop the rape, abuse & poisoning of the Earth. We embrace the revolutionary tactics of art, music, poetry, humor, & sex. We work & play tirelessly for Earth justice & global peace. Bombs hurt (ouch).

V. Ecosexual is an identity. For some of us being ecosexual is our primary (sexual) identity, whereas for others it is not. Ecosexuals can be LGBTQI, heterosexual, asexual, &/or Other. (So many others -- we call 'em the "plus"). We invite & encourage ecosexuals to come out. We are everywhere. We are polymorphous & pollen-amorous. We hold these truths to be self evident (thank you, Tommy Jefferson, for holding a mirror up to the selfie): that we are all part of, not separate from, nature. Thus all sex is ecosex. (Screw the pursuit, happiness at last).

VI. The ecosex pledge. I promise to love, honor & cherish you Earth, until death brings us closer together forever. (Really? Amen! The ecosystem as sexy death-cult.)